**WARNING -- This post comes with a lot of whining...and not the good kind. **
***Also, there will be rambling.***
***Also, there will be rambling.***
Lately, I've just been feeling a little antisocial. I'm an introvert by nature, but it's gotten worse since the beginning of summer. I can't really pinpoint what exactly triggered it, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with stress. Work's been sucking a$$. Like, I just cannot get motivated to care about my job at all. I've been with the company for, well...March will be ten years, and I am so burnt out. But I have a kid in school and we're trying to buy a house within the next year, and so now is so not the time for a career change.
And so I read to escape that stress and anxiety. But that whole antisocial thing because I'm stressed out at work is now carrying over into my blogging world. I want to visit everyone and comment and discuss books like usual, but I'm finding it difficult to interact with anybody these days. In real life or in the blogosphere. And I feel terrible about it...I owe so many of you some comment love! And I know that you guys will have my back and understand. I don't think I've lost any of you because of my self-imposed hermitage
Guys, I've been such a lurker lately. I've been reading all of your wonderful posts and delighting in your comments here on my own blog, but I've just kind of been lurking in the background, not saying anything or doing anything to make it better. I've just been so blah lately. All I want to do is read...even the desire to write anything substantial has kind of waned, though I hope that urge hits me again soon because it's one of the few things that usually gets me out of a funk like this. Well, besides a terrific reading streak. Which I am not having, though I have read some fairly good books recently. Or a really, really solid cry. I think I'm about due for one of those.Anyway, I want to come back is what I'm saying. I want to catch up on everything you guys have been doing, see what's been going on in your lives. Stop feeling sorry for myself and stop being such a shut in. I've always been a bit of a loner, at least until I started blogging and met all of you wonderful people. And I want to repay you all for the friendship. But I'm afraid I still don't have enough time to go back and catch every post I've missed. :( I'm going to try very hard to devote Saturday to visiting everyone.
But this whole experience has made me wonder, how do those bigger blogs do it? They must get tons and tons of comments each day. How do they respond to everyone, visit all of their own favorites, create new content AND still have time to read each day? I just can't fathom it. It's daunting to me when I just have a piddly 15 comments (not that I'm not appreciative of each and every single one...I totally am!) on a meme post that I need to return the favor for. Used to, I had time during the day at work to do so, but my workload is kind of crazy right now, so it just keeps snowballing and I keep getting further and further behind.
Pretty much, this is a usual case of Jen putting too much pressure on Jen, of me being the perfectionist that I am. I hate not doing something 100%, and it makes me like this. Grrr! But acceptance is the first step to recovery, right? And, hey, if you guys do want to hold it against me, well....I can take it...
Hehe. Sorry for the ramble. I hate re-reading one of these posts and seeing just how much I rambled. I did warn you at the beginning, though. I don't know if this made a lot of sense, but I definitely feel better having gotten it off my chest.
You ever feel like this? Do people frequently say, "Oh, it's just the weather that's got you down"? Do you ever just say, "Screw everyone," and do your own thing for a little while? If so, do you feel guilty about it later? 'Cause I do. :(
Ever your antisocial basket-case,
I totally understand where you're coming from, and where you are now. I got really anti-social when we first moved in June, and I'm not fully recovered. I'm slowly trying to get back into the blogging community, but it's hard. I think anti-social goes with burn-out and stressed-out, and sometimes you just need to take a break and realize that the book blog community is supportive and will be here for you when you're ready to re-emerge.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to feel like a bad blogger just because you haven't been commenting back. I think we all know that life comes in our ways sometimes and you just have to take your time! :) I'm sorry to hear that you are burned out on your job:(
ReplyDeleteTry to remember that unless your blog is your paying job, it is supposed to be FUN, not something that is causing additional stress to an already unpleasant situation (of any kind). We'll all still be here when you get your 'va va voom' back up and running.
ReplyDeletePlus, I don't think that people expect a reply to every post they make - I know I certainly don't, which makes getting one all the more enjoyable :-) So your task, should you choose to accept it, it to NOT reply to this post. LOL Maybe find a patch of sunshine to just soak up while you read a book for you, not your blog. Even just one book, something you've really been wanting to read but haven't had the time due to your continually growing TBR pile that is blog-related.
You've got your marching orders, now go forth and pamper yourself!
I think I know what you mean. For me, it's also started to go downhill in May or June (I had to leave my apartment and go back to my parents' house because I couldn't find a new one... this city is crazy in that respect >.<). I just felt... like a failure? I wanted to just read and escape into other people's lives. There are good real life friends that haven't heard from me for months in any form. And on the blog, I've written much much fewer review than I'd like and I haven't returned comments as much as I'd like to. I feel really guilty about that, but it's just so time consuming and I'm an introverted, not terribly social person anyway.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life is just demands too many things of you and there's not enough time. Jobs are stressful. I don't even want to think about how much harder it is for you, having a family and all! There's only a limited amount of time and energy, so you have to set priorities, and I think it's better to get a new post written than return every single comment.
But I also often wonder how the big bloggers do it. How do they post so often? Read all those books? Interact with people? I mean they must have lives, right?
So yeah, I think it's all right to take a break and just lurk every once in a while. Do something fun and relaxing or new and exciting. Try not to feel guilty (though the fact that you do shows that you're a good and non-selfish person, IMO :) ).
So, yeah. Now I'm the one rambling. But I think you're used to that from me by now ^^''
Have you also noticed that this type of post is really frequent recently? I just notice so many bloggers feeling overwhelmed, taking breaks, or just stopping altogether :/
Anyway *hugs* I hope you'll stick around! And these gifs are awesome, especially the one about rusty people skills XD
You know what will give you a great cry? TELL THE WOLVES I'M HOME. *cough*
ReplyDeleteI've missed you, but you need to give yourself a break, girlfriend! You've been so busy, and so much is going on for you now. Take care of yourself!
Thank you for being wonderful. <3
Awww. Don't feel so bad, Jen. I'm a new follower of your blog so it's not such a big deal if you're not able to do some comment love. Besides, that's not why I followed and have been leaving comments. I genuinely like reading your posts.
ReplyDeleteI too, have gone through the same thing at the beginning of the year. The last few months have been so weird. While I can't complain about my career and my bosses and the financial security it affords me, I was still unhappy. So I stepped back and made some choices. It'll come to you when you're ready, I supposed.
Keep your head up!
I back away from people when I feel stressed or depressed so I imagine it must be common. I think every little thing like just a short little comment becomes this huge task when we're in that mode. Sounds like you already have a few ideas of how to dig out of it. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteI go through my spouts too. Mainly cause I get busy and partly because I get confuzzled on what to comment and partly because I socialize better face to face. I too am trying really hard and I have seen you much better at it than I am. So kudos to you. life is hard to balance on its own then blogging comes in. I find it takes so much time away from reading and that is hard to live with, at least for me. your readers still give you lots of love though. Rambling is accepted. I think I was going somwhere in particular too but now I forgot.
ReplyDeleteLife happens. I understand that. I've stepped away from social media a lot this year. It can be a bit overwhelming and time consuming. Take care!
ReplyDeleteActually, yeah. I am sort of in a funk too. Don't feel bad, take care of YOU. I am always kind of doing my own thing and no, I don't feel guilty!
ReplyDeleteThere are some days where I manage to be on Twitter LOADS but recently, I've had no time. I don't want people to think I'm being antisocial, because I'm not! I'm just so busy that when I do get home, I want time to myself and I just want to relax! Fangirling can be really exhausting! Also, I have to do blog posts and other stuff, and Twitter basically equals procrastination so I can't be on it all the time!
ReplyDeleteRita xx
I definitely go through periods where I'm totally "out there" and reading and commenting, and then other times when I just can't be bothered. Blogging isn't the only thing going on in my life, after all.
ReplyDeleteI just started blogging in June (so I better not hit a slump anytime soon!) but I've noticed traffic to my blog and comments left on my posts going up just recently. That's a good thing, but it's also harder to keep up with replies and still visit and comment on all the blogs I want to.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your job situation isn't good and that changing jobs isn't an option right now.
I needed this post this week, because it's exactly where I am. I finally made myself get off my butt and stop reading for a few minutes so I could comment on some blogs. But I definitely go through times where I just want to read books and not talk to anyone, or write about what I read. I'm glad that I'm not the only one! Sometimes the pressure of everything starts to get to me and I need to escape a little bit. Balancing everything is TOUGH friend. Also, I know I need to get World After to you. I finished it and I do not want to let Raffe go. I need mOOORRREEEE of him in my life. I will email you to confirm your address. Your'e the best.
ReplyDelete