***The Starry-Eyed Revue***: freedom to read

I want to read ALL THE BOOKS. That probably doesn't come as a surprise, especially considering that my hobby is blogging about books. But I really don't like it when someone is reading a book that I want to read but haven't yet.

Before you tell me where to stick that green-eyed monster, let me explain. When someone -- anyone, not just you or other book bloggers...anyone -- is reading a book that I want to read, this is what goes through my head:

(Checks schedule.) But, but...that book doesn't come out for months. I won't get to read it for weeks at least!
Please, please, please don't tell me that it's good. Or bad. Or mediocre.

By you reading this book early and even hinting at what you thought of it, you've now warped my opinion of the book. Even without meaning to. Unfortunately, I am susceptible and easily persuaded. This is why I've stopped reading reviews for books I haven't read yet...at least for books that I'm dying to read.

Well, maybe I can squeeze it in now. I don't have to review it until closer to the release date, right? I'm sneaky like that...right?

Dammit! Why the hell do I have a reading schedule anyway?!? I wish I could go back to just reading what I wanted, when I wanted to read it. Why don't I just do that? Maybe I should just give up this whole blogging thing while I'm at it.
Wait. Do I have this book? I covet this book. I must get a copy. I will drive myself crazy until it is in my hands. Give. It. To. Me.

I realize that all of this inner monologue might make me sound a bit nuts. So be it. I usually thrive on organization and a set routine or schedule, but I'm really starting to think being a book blogger is beginning to take a toll on me...and my sanity. I said I was going to take it down a notch, but I think I may have gotten worse instead of better.

I'm doing fewer tours, which has helped significantly with my stress level, but now I'm reading more. Not that I'm complaining. But reading more means having more to review. I feel like I only read and review about half of what I request, which makes me sad, and I feel a bit irresponsible because of it. I know the solution is to stop requesting so many books, but I'm always worried that one of those I skipped over will be the next big thing that everyone's talking about, and then I'll be left out. Being left out of the loop is the worst. Like I said...I don't like it when you've read a book that I haven't. Because then I can't discuss it with you and be a part of the hooplah surrounding it. And that's one of my favorite parts of blogging. Finding that one book and getting super-fired up about it.

I remember what it was like before I was a book blogger and didn't have access to advance copies. That was ten times worse than this...seeing people with ARCs of books that weren't coming out for another six months and stalking their updates and the author's website for teasers. But I was free to read whatever, whenever. I miss that. Though, technically, I suppose that really hasn't changed. The pressure I feel all comes from within. I've always done this to myself. Even in school...when I was vying for valedictorian, I nearly gave myself an ulcer.

So. Maybe the solution isn't merely to stop requesting review copies. Maybe it would be best to rip up that old review schedule altogether.

Even so, I don't think I could ever do it...but I have been allowing my mood to pick my next read for the last couple of weeks, and it's really worked out. I am riding cloud nine on a book high right now after my last four or five reads. But there are other review books on my schedule that I am less than excited for. And because I requested them at some point, I'll end up reading them by their release date. *sigh*

I am a creature of habit. And this is what I know.