I'm (We're?!?) BAAAAAAACK!!! 😆🎉💖

So, it's been awhile since I've actually posted something besides a monthly reading wrap-up. And I've kind of missed it. Not the pressure to read and review and post and all that other stuff...but the community and the general fangirling over books. I mean, I do that with my bestie Sabrina -- whom I met right here on this very blog -- regularly, but we got to talking, as we do most every weekend, and she missed it, too. We both wanted to end our indefinite hiatuses. But neither of us has the time or energy to carry on this blogging thing solo -- plus, it's a lot more fun to do with a friend! -- so we decided to collaborate. We'll still do reviews, especially if we just absolutely adore a book, but we really just want to keep it fun and less like the unpaid job it had turned into before we took our extended breaks. For some of you more observant readers, you may have noticed that Sabrina's contacts were added to the sidebar, like, months ago, lol, but for everyone else:


There's a new co-blogger at The Starry-Eyed Revue!

Hello, Starry-Eyed readers! Jen and I have been talking about blogging together for some time now. And the only thing stopping us is that I have been procrastinating writing THIS. Which is a dominant personality trait of mine… best you know right out the gate.

So, it’s lovely to meet you. My name is Sabrina. I live in Michigan and I’m in my 30s. I’m excellent at napping and hoarding books. I adore stories. Especially fantasy, thrillers, historical fiction and anything that makes my heart pound. Some of my favorite authors are Robin LaFevers, Naomi Novak, Alwyn Hamilton, Cat Winters… and so many, many more.  Some of you may already know me from my blog, The Forest of Words and Pages, which I have mostly abandoned for the last year (or two *cries*) and truthfully I haven’t missed reviewing much… up until recently.

I, like many, was burned out from blog tours and review copies that I couldn’t keep up with. I had a color-coded google calendar as my reading schedule and at some point, I realized that I wasn’t even reading the books that I really wanted to read. I felt so much pressure to meet review deadlines and review as many books as possible, that I felt like I didn’t have anything new to say anymore.

There was also an overwhelming feeling that ‘blogger’ was this dirty, shameful word; like we were cockroaches in the library. It hurt my heart every time I saw divisive social media ‘discussions’ where people who shared a love of books were measuring the value of one another and defending their own value. Twitter became a major point of anxiety for me. I saw excellent points on both sides of the spectrum on a variety of issues, but I didn’t sense that many of us were listening to one another.

So I looked at my overflowing bookshelves… all these books I’d bought over the last 5-ish years, with actual dust collecting on them and decided that I was going to read all those damn books instead of stressing myself out. While I have not actually read ‘all’ of those damn books, I have read a lot more of them. Now I read what sounds good to me in the moment and I stop reading when I get bored. I DNF books ALL THE TIME. Something I never used to allow myself to do. Reading has returned to an enjoyable escape for me once again instead of self-inflicted work I always felt behind on.

Best of all, awhile back, Jen and I decided to do what we deemed a “Not-So-Secret-Sister-Swap”  (thank you to the #OTSPSecretSister Project for inspiring us) and we accidentally became best friends. We’ve traveled across the country several times to hang out, have drank (too) many bottles of wine and discussed our nerd love for hundreds of books for hundreds of hours, despite our mutual disdain for telephone calls. Whenever reviewing/blogging comes up in our conversations, we talk about how much fun reviewing would be if we wrote about books together in the same way that we talk about books together. So… no color-coded google calendars, fewer and more carefully chosen review copies, more finishing of series and less pressure to be whatever it was we were trying to be and hopefully, so much more fun.

So thanks for having me. I’m looking forward to geeking out over our favorite stories, characters and talented authors. I hope to recommend a few books that you’ll love and discover many more through you! I confess, I’ve missed this community and I’m so very glad to be back.

XOXO,

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Labels: 2018, blogging breaks, co-blogging, sabrina

That Time My Husband Asked Me If I Was In the Middle of a Book...

So, my husband asks, "Are you in the middle of a book?" at dinner the other night. I'm pretty sure he was trying to gauge whether he'd be able to get back to playing Destiny or if I was going to call family time. I just stared at him because, I mean, what kind of question is that? When am I not in the middle of a book? He should know this by now. The rest of our conversation goes like this:

I give him the look that tells him what I've been thinking and respond, "Yes. Well...technically, I'm 80% in, so...closer to the end than the middle. Why?"

"Just wondering." And he goes back to eating his dinner. Subject dropped.

"Seriously, why?" I ask because he rarely makes such a query.

"Seriously, no reason."

But I didn't want to let it drop. I don't know why. Maybe because I'd just recently had a conversation with my younger sister about just this thing: how he always wants to talk about his hobby (hunting) and get me interested in it, but he hardly ever extends the same courtesy. Any time I say "book" or "reading" I can almost literally see his mind's eye lose focus. I understand...his hobby of choice does that to me sometimes, too, but that's why we should make the effort, right? I mean, it's fine to have your own thing. I love having reading as my own thing.

But sometimes, I want to talk bookish stuff with someone face-to-face. I don't really have anyone in my real life who's as gaga for books as I am. My older sister reads a lot of fantasy and comes to me for recommendations, but she lives over three hours away, so talking about those books becomes an online thing, not IRL. My younger sister enjoys reading, too, but she's busy and reads much slower than I do, so it's literally months before she's able to discuss a book with me. Which is a shame because we work together and I see her face on the daily and could talk to it all the time about books. I understand, though, I really do. And my other friends are all busy adulting or whatever, and if by chance they do read, it's erotica or memoirs or something else I'm not interested in.

And that's why I've always been glad to have this community. Maybe I can't see all of your beautiful faces, but at least I can have honest, gushy conversations with you all about books that I love, too. When I come out of my shell. I am such an introvert, you guys. I still feel like the new kid here, even though I've been blogging for just shy of four years. It's seriously so hard for me to insert myself in a conversation on Twitter, too. I've had a Twitter handle since 2009, before I even started blogging, and yet I only just reached 10k tweets. I have moments where I forget myself and have a nice chat with someone -- wine is usually involved -- but those instances are far and few between. Even so, I'm grateful for each and every one of you who does take the time to talk to me, despite my awkward. I wouldn't still be here if it weren't for you.

Well...and April. I've considered quitting blogging more than once but hardly at all now that April is here. She just has such an awesome approach to blogging: no stress, she posts what she wants, and she doesn't get wrapped up in all of the drama. I never comment on that stuff, but it weighs me down nonetheless. Not April. It's not that she doesn't care; she just lets it slide right off of her. I aspire to be more like April. Her family always, always comes first. (Not that mine doesn't -- I'm going to Disney World instead of BEA, for crying out loud -- but I'll freely admit that when in the middle of a good book, I would much rather finish that than spend my time in some of the ways that my family has imagined for me.) She has never shown me one ounce, not one iota of ARC envy. And she never lets a "reading schedule" stress her out. It just is what it is with her.

I strive to be more like that. And I'm getting better at it, under April's tutelage. It's just so wonderful to still have people like her in the community, ya know? Especially with the way things have been recently.

There wasn't really a point to this post. It's just that my husband got me thinking the other night, as has so much of the drama in the community as of late, and basically I just wanted to say that I still love being a part of this group. I haven't been around as much as I'd like, haven't been leaving comments, like, AT ALL in the last few months, but if we're friends and I follow your blog, know that I'm reading all of your content. I just haven't had much time to actually respond to all of your wonderful posts, what with being a full-time working mom and trying to maintain our blog here, plus get some reading done in between.

But I need you guys. My husband's been making more of an effort ever since that conversation, but he just does not get my enthusiasm for books like y'all do. That's probably true for a lot of us, and that's why we're all here, right?

So...anyone read any good books lately? =)

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Labels: blogging community, co-blogging, discussion

Sometimes You Just Gotta Shake It Off

If you've been by the blog lately, you've probably noticed that April hasn't been around as much. But if you've been around the blogosphere much at all, you've probably noticed this is kind of a trend among those of us who've been blogging for any length of time. Whether it's the recent author drama, real-life stuff, or just a serious reading slump, we all need a break every now and then.

Jen: And that's the point I was at earlier this year, when I saw April mention on Twitter that she wished she could just co-blog with someone else to alleviate some of the stress. I had honestly been contemplating a hiatus of my own at the time because blogging had become more of a chore than a hobby. I didn't want to take a break, but I wanted blogging to be fun again. So, when I saw April's tweet, I jumped at the opportunity without any real deliberation. (You can read more about that here.)

It's worked out beautifully as far as I'm concerned. We're there to help out when the other has things come up that keep us from posting on our scheduled day. We've got each other's back when drama rears its ugly head. And our different styles and preferred genres provide some much-needed variety on the blog. Plus, it's fun again! I love our joint reviews and discussions like this!

But what do you do when you're BOTH kind of in a funk? I'm not in a reading slump per se, but it's taking me forever to finish a book these days. I used to read three books a week, stay up till 2am doing so, and never think twice about it. Now, I can barely make it to 10pm before my head hits the pillow, which means very little reading is getting done each night. I'm still flying through some audio, though. That's really been my saving grace.

April: I feel terrible for this. I feel like I let Jen down the last couple months. When we started out blogging together, we were both fed up. I was so ready to shut my blog down and say goodbye. Blogging here with Jen was fun again and gave me a new life in the blogging community. Now I'm back to barely posting. It sucks, but it's unavoidable. I barely have time to email with Jen; this week will be the most we have emailed in months and that makes me sad.

It goes to show you how quickly life can change. Early this year when I joined Jen, I was working part time at a company I had been at for almost 10 years. Then I was told I'd be laid off this winter, so the job hunt began. Now working full time with a ton of new responsibilities, reading and blogging have taken a back seat.

I've never been one to stay up until 2am reading. I value sleep too much but I used to read a lot in the evening. Now I'm too tired from work, and Aubrey wants my attention and she is most important. I'm having trouble finding a balance now. Half the time I don't even want to read.. I'm just not into it. It's become such a stress to me, and I think part of the reason is that I feel pressured to read. My turn to review a book on the blog is two days away. I'm 10%. And it's not even a review book, so it's not the stress of reading for publishers. It's the pressure to read for review in general. I miss the days of leisurely reading.

Jen: April has no reason to feel bad...this is the beauty of the co-blogging relationship: we pick up the slack for each other whenever life has us otherwise occupied. I mean, just this week, I caught whatever is going around and ended up laid up on the couch with nothing to post. Luckily, we usually schedule our meme posts a week out, so there was something on the blog each day, but this will be the first week ever that we've not posted a single review.

And you know what? I'm kind of okay with that. Reviews take me the most time to write because I want to sound intelligent while getting my point across, and yet, those are the posts that see the fewest comments. Oh, they get loads of views, but I know from experience that I rarely comment on reviews myself unless I have something worthwhile to say that hasn't already been said. The posts that get the most attention are ones like this -- discussion posts where everyone wants to voice their own experiences and opinions.

I've been forcing myself for months now to review everything I read and listen to each week, and it's really starting to drain me. After my forced mini-haitus this week due to illness, it's even more apparent to me that I've got to read for the pure enjoyment of it or I'm going to burn out that much quicker. I've essentially turned every book I read into a review copy, and that's just sad. It's one thing to post a short review on Goodreads for every book so others can gauge your enjoyment of a story, but to full-on review every book is kind of ridiculous. I wish it hadn't taken getting sick to realize that, but it is what it is.

I'm going to take a break from reviewing every book. Sure, I'm still going to post a review or two a week for upcoming books that I'm excited about. But I also want to focus more on discussion posts and other creative outlets on the blog since those do seem to garner more interaction with readers. And I know I've been terrible at that lately, but maybe taking a break from so much reviewing will give me more time to socialize with everyone. It's been at least a month since I've visited any of you, and I feel absolutely awful about that.

April: Oh my gosh, yes to turning every book into a review copy. I've been doing the same. Even the books I want to read, I have been viewing them as review books. It is sad, because it really takes the fun out of reading. We should read because we want to, not so we can form an opinion and have a post to schedule on the blog.

I agree with taking a break on reviewing. I've pretty much already been doing that, but I feel like we haven't had time to do fun creative discussion posts. And that's one of the things love the most about blogging with Jen. We need to get back to that stuff. When I posted earlier this week about not being able to get into books, a lot of you suggested we take a break to avoid getting burned out. I've been stewing over it all week. I would miss it too much I think.

Jen is on to something for sure though, with the whole creative outlets idea. I just had my computer redone and I'm dying to get back into making more SIMS videos. There are so many amazing books I've read over the years and wanted to put into video. Also, the holidays are coming up and I love doing crafts with Aubrey and sharing our creations. My only concern with that is would people want to see those things?

And I'm 100% with Jen on socializing more. If we aren't so pressured to post time-consuming reviews, then we can venture out and visit you all. I cannot remember the last time I've sat down and just browsed through blogs. It's terrible, because I love doing so, but there just hasn't been any time.

I'm ready for a change, but I'm not giving up, Jen. No way. ♥ We are in this slump together and we will come out of it together!

Jen: I think we owe it to ourselves to take it down a notch, to make this blog what it originally started as: a place to connect with like-minded individuals. I hate how competitive blogging has made me, especially since I'm competitive by nature. I hate comparing what we've got going on here to what else is out there and vice versa. I just want to talk books and ships and fandoms with people who get me. I don't want to worry or feel left out when I didn't get this advance copy or that one. I don't want to worry about not getting invited to the bigger tours or not being able to attend conventions and hob-knob with the publishers at events. Because I have plenty of unread books on my shelf as it is and I'll be able to read that book I'm anticipating soon enough. I don't think I'll ever want for reading material again, ya know?

How did it come to this? How did I let it get to this point? April seems pretty well-adjusted, but I've somehow let blogging consume me. Stressing out about reading and writing reviews and keeping up with the schedule -- in addition to all of the other stuff I've got going on -- may just have contributed to me getting sick this week. Stress isn't good for anyone, but I've always tended to take it a step too far, until it reached an unhealthy level and I was forced to take a step back. (Senior year of high school, I tried to juggle 4 AP classes and two part-time jobs and nearly gave myself an ulcer because of it, just to give you an idea of how I tend to let stress rule me.)

I don't want to take a break. I don't have it in me to take a break. Taking a break would feel too much like giving up, and I'm no quitter. Though, sometimes I have to admit it would feel like kicking an addiction or bad habit rather than giving up a hobby. :( Still, at the heart of it, I do still love blogging. I think we just need to get it back on track and stop forcing ourselves to crank out reviews and focus more on what we loved about it in the first place. And like April said, maybe branch off into other, sort of related hobbies. I like photography, and if you follow me on Instagram, you know I like to take pictures of my books. April likes to make book trailers featuring SIMS characters on her YouTube channel. And we both seem to love these discussion posts, though we haven't done many recently.

So, I think for the rest of the year, we focus on the good things, the things that brought us together in the first place. I have a ton of review books piling up for 2015 already, but I'm almost done with those for 2014, so I plan on reading what I want. Reviewing just what I have to. And spending more time with friends, visiting your blogs and hanging out on Twitter and such. I think it's high time we made time for the fun stuff.

This was going to be one of my blogging resolutions for the new year, much like it always is, but I think it's time to really work on it, and I think April will keep me on track with that now that she's here. She'll hold me accountable. I don't worry about her so much...she's pretty good at prioritizing real life versus blogging. I could learn a thing or two from her, actually. ;0)



I think what we're both saying is, we just want to go back to being READERS. There's just something about opening a book with no expectations, without having read 20 different reviews first, without having Tweet-stalked the author, without knowing the publicist for the book. No worrying about whether so-and-so has already read a book or whether their opinions are going to influence ours. No forcing ourselves to finish a book just to review it or stockpiling DNFs for a later date just because we can't get into them now.

We're taking it back to the days of reading for the sheer joy of it. If we get a few reviews done each week, so be it. But we're not putting that pressure on ourselves. This is not a job and there's zero reason to stress out about it. (Someone please remind me I said that in a few months when I let all of the 2015 titles start to freak me out.)

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Labels: blogging breaks, blogging confessions, co-blogging, discussion

We Co-sign on Co-blogging

It's been a little over two months since I started blogging here at The Starry-Eyed Revue. I think it’s time to talk about it! Co-blogging has sort of blown up over the last year or so. I’ve seen so many bloggers give up their blogs to move to others, or just add bloggers to theirs. A last ditch effort to keep things going? I’m not sure, I think for some it has been. And maybe some do it now just because it’s what all the cool kids are doing. (Yup, we are cool now!)

We totally co-sign on this whole co-blogging thing, and here's why:

When I started blogging with Jen, I was kind of at my wits end. I’m a working mom, and running a blog alone is hard. Really hard, and I was doing a horrible job of it. I was so overwhelmed, that it wasn’t fun anymore. 2 months later and I can honestly say that I’ve never been so happy blogging as I am now. Not even when I first started.

I think compatibility is a big part of this. Jen and I are so similar it’s almost creepy at times. We have the same priorities, and I think that’s very important in a co blogging relationship. Our families come first, always.

Some things I love about Co-Blogging...

-Not having to post everyday! This was the hardest thing for me. I don’t think I ever posted on my own blog every day. It was just too much. We split the week up, we both get 3 days to post whatever, and one day that we post together. It’s worked out so well, because I can actually schedule ahead!!!

-Our friendship. I’ve always considered Jen a good friend, heck we’ve been talking to each other for years, but working with her has made us even closer.

-Early access to posts! It’s the ultimate co blogging perk. I thought it would be weird having access to each other’s drafts, but it’s not at all.

-Planning discussions and joint posts. It’s much more fun when you have someone you can bounce ideas off of. Plus, buddy reads lead to joint reviews, and we recently reviewed Open Road Summer together, that was a lot of fun to do.

I think one of the hardest parts about co blogging for me, was giving up my blog and moving to Jen's blog. From day one, Jen has always made me feel like it's ours, not hers, and I love her for it. It made the transition seamless for me. Joining The Starry Eyed Revue is one of the best decisions I ever made. I would make that decision over and over again.



If you'll remember, I probably looked about like that chick this time last year. Last summer, my sister had offered to co-blog with me and post a few times a month to help alleviate some of my stress, but that never really took off. Not blaming her, but I should have realized beforehand that that partnership was never really going to work...past experience and all that. So, even though her name still appeared on the blog, Mendy wasn't really doing anything. It was all up to me again. And somehow, I was managing to post at least once a day, almost every single day.

Move forward to January of this year when April and I were talking on Twitter about being overwhelmed with the blogging thing. She mentioned wanting to co-blog with someone else but not wanting to deal with some crazy person. I'd actually been wishing I had a legit co-blogger but didn't have a clue where to start. 1) My blog is my baby...how do I just let go of the reigns and give power like that to someone that I don't know (or barely know), that I can't gripe at the way I can my sister? 2) I'm a perfectionist. How do I accept that someone else isn't going to blog the same way I do? 3) Do I really have the time to train someone on the ins and outs of my blog?*

I was on the verge of burn-out and April just didn't have the time to run her own blog anymore. So, when she said she'd actually been considering joining up with another blogger, I thought, this is my chance. I know April. I've known her for three years and we actually have a lot in common. We talk frequently, and I know I can be completely honest with her and vice versa. And she was already running a blog, so I won't have much to show her that she doesn't already know. So, I jumped at the chance...I didn't even give myself five minutes to consider all the possibilities, as I am usually wont to do. I just asked her. And unbelievably, she said yes.

And here we are, two months later, loving blogging again, probably even more than we did in the beginning of our solo journeys into this community. Because we've already got our foot in the door. We're bringing our combined knowledge and our combined friendships together to forge something even better. And I'm loving every minute of it. Having someone else to bounce ideas off of, to take up the slack on a week when I'm not feeling it -- and I try to do the same for her, even though she's never as behind as I am -- and being able to just read as I see fit instead of sticking to that meticulous reviewing schedule of mine...it's all made this experience so much better.

When I started blogging three years ago, I had no idea where it would take me. The friendships I would make. The connections with publicists and publishers. The external pressure to post new and unique content, besides regular reviews. But I was missing out, letting it all get to me...not appreciating my own hobby anymore because I didn't have the time to make it mine like I did in the beginning. And then April comes along and gives that all back to me, almost immediately. From the moment we added her name to the blog, it's been ours. We both put a lot of work into our reviews and discussions, and I think we both get so much from doing this together now. Looking back, I was actually pretty lonely, doing this all on my own.

There are reasons for bringing on a co-blogger and then there are REASONS. I regret nothing. In fact, this is definitely one of my better decisions when it comes to blogging. And I think it calls for a happy dance.

*The funny thing is, my friend Lisa is going through the same thing right now. She needs help and wants to bring on a co-blogger, but she's asking herself these same questions. And then she posed the questions to me, knowing I'd already been through this twice now. So, I told her a few things that I've found to be true:  patience and honest are key; remember that you were friends before and you'd like to keep that friendship even if you're not co-bloggers till the end of time; allow your co-blogger to have her own voice so that the blog feels like hers, too, and that she's not over-stepping any of your boundaries; and know your strengths and weaknesses and recognize them in your co-blogger, too.

Co-blogging has definitely been on an upward trend, but I don't see that as a good or bad thing...it's just a truth. We're not the first ones to do it, and we won't be the last. And we're certainly not the only ones talking about it.

Do you blog with someone else? Are you considering a move in that direction, and if so, what are your REASONS? If you're a solo blogger, what are your thoughts on co-blogging? Do you think other solo bloggers need to band together in solidarity? Is this a passing phase or is the co-blogger a permanent fixture in the community?

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Labels: blogging goals, co-blogging, discussion