***The Starry-Eyed Revue***: being an introvert

So, some seriously, seriously awesome bookish conventions are coming up. You'd have to have been living under a rock not to know that. We've got RT next week here in Dallas, actually right up the street from where I work downtown. And then there's BEA at the end of this month in New York. I would love to attend either or both to meet some amazing authors and maybe score a few advance copies while I'm at it. Epecially the coveted ARC of Six of Crows. (Seriously, if someone picks that up for me, I will forever be in your debt.)

But I'm an introvert. And while in the months leading up to events like these, I'll hope that I can go and attempt to make plans, I know that the likelihood of that actually happening is very, VERY low. A lot of bookish types claim to be introverts, and I'm sure it's true in a lot of cases. But there are a lot of those same people who wouldn't shy away from these events to avoid awkward social situations, sweaty palms, a nervous stomach that won't quit...I could go on. I'm not just talking butterflies-in-my-stomach-shy. It's intense, y'all.

I might actually have some sort of social anxiety disorder, but I don't want to label it for fear of making it worse by buying into it, especially since in day-to-day life, I'm a normal, functioning person. But I do avoid a lot of situations that are going to inevitably make me uncomfortable, like children's birthday parties where I don't know any of the other parents, parties in general, work functions, etc.

I'll use any excuse, no matter how lame or untrue, even when I really want to go. I could've gone to TXLA last month since my sister lives in Austin and it would have cost me very little, but I couldn't make myself commit to it. Especially since I didn't have anyone to go with me. The fact that my sister agreed to go to Texas Teen Book Festival last October is pretty much the only reason I went. Which also meant I didn't mingle.

I've been to a couple of conferences/festivals and a few book signings over the years, but I'm pretty much a bundle of nerves the entire time. There are some AMAZING authors attending RT next week, and I would love to meet every single one of them and have them sign all of my books -- which would take forever because there's a two book limit per author, per each time you go through the line, and I own tons that I would want signed -- but I haven't been able to convince myself that it's worth the anxiety. Even to meet Susan Ee or Stephanie Perkins or any one of the other 800 authors attending.

What is wrong with me?!? How do all of those other supposed introverts get over that apprehension? I feel like I'm doing this all wrong, but I really am just more comfortable behind the computer. I can be myself here. It's like I'm a shell of my former self whenever put into one of these social situations. It's really depressing, and the closer RT and BEA get, the worse I feel about not putting myself out there. But somehow I know I'd feel worse if I did go.

So all of you going to RT or BEA: have a great time. I mean it. I hope you have a blast.

And read. =) I'll pretty much just be here, trying to make a dent in my TBR while not adding to it. :P So, I guess there are some advantages to being painfully, socially awkward.